Chances are, you and your significant other can discuss just about any topic-work, money, your dreams, failures--you name it. But what about sex? Many of us, women in particular, blush at the thought of revealing sexual likes and dislikes to our partners. Yet, studies show that those who feel comfortable engaging in pillow talk not only enjoy better sex lives, but happier relationships.
What tends to trip us up when it comes to pillow talk? Fear of how our partners will react for one thing. Other reasons that sex is a taboo subject in many relationships include fear of being criticized and fear of hurting each other's feelings. Yet chances are, your partner would love your openness, not to mention that intimate talk can add excitement and really spice up your love life. Here's how to overcome bashfulness in bed:
* Share simple facts. Let it slip to your partner, for example, that you prefer to make love with the lights on, or that you like making love better in the morning. Then ask what his or her preferences are. Or, after watching a romantic movie together, bring up what you thought were some of the sexiest parts. Sometimes the simplest conversations can spark passion.
* Reminisce. Thinking back to-and talking about-the early days when your lovemaking was always passionate is another way to ease into pillow talk. Bring up when you first fell in love, and discuss what initially attracted you to each other. Steer the conversation to the passionate times you used to share, and in no time, you could be reliving those times.
* Calling him/her by name. Partners love to hear the sound of their name, especially during lovemaking, because it makes them feel special.
* Use flattery. Compliments are the ultimate aphrodisiac because they boost sexual confidence. So, don't hesitate to let him know just how much you adore the way he kisses, or tell her that the way she smells is a total turn-on.
* Describe what you're dong. Narrating your lovemaking-what you're doing and how good it all feels-adds an extra dimension of sharing...and passion.
* Avoid put-downs. Be careful never to use criticism or sarcasm, shame, or blame as pillow talk. Negative pillow talk can be more harmful to your relationship than no pillow talk at all, because it destroys trust and bonding. Kept positive, however, pillow talk can be downright intoxicating. Tell your significant other how sexy and exciting they are, and chances are they will be!
