Although your spouse had an affair, you want to do whatever is necessary to work through it. You have no wish to go back to the old days. Instead you want to build a much better marriage.
This starts with good communication. To get through an affair will mean rebuilding the lines of communication. You must get this done or else there's no reason to continue the marriage.
1. Get rid of The Secret World
Make a strong effort to bring down any and all walls and start sharing with your husband. Whenever you get a call take it in front of him instead of going into another room. Begin talking about the particulars of your day or perhaps what tasks you're working on. Be sure that it isn't only about household activities. Share a good laugh, do a little gossiping or have a discussion about your personal dreams.
Ask your spouse questions about what's happening in their lives however stay away from making it sound like some kind of cross examination. The last thing you want to do is push your mate into running back behind their wall. You're asking because you genuinely care and not because you are snooping.
One minute you and your spouse have a discussion about spending time together and actually do it. The very next time you cancel out. Then sometime later you decide to do it. That's just not going to cut it.
Your husband had an affair so the priority must be rebuilding following that extramarital relationship. Being inconsistent suggests neither of you is really taking the rebuilding seriously. Be inconsistent means it's going to take way longer to restore the marital relationship. If you and your mate are serious then act like it. Find the time to do it right and follow through on a regular basis.
3. Mutual Respect
That's a difficult thing to digest considering your spouse carrying on an extramarital relationship. But if they're communicating with you give out respect. Keep an eye on your physical language. Provide them with every indication that you are paying attention. Your spouse did wrong however exhibiting respect can certainly make him feel much better in regards to you as well as the long term of the marriage. It can provide him with motivation to try even harder to repair the damage after infidelity.